Morons
by Cleyazeus
Summary: Zoro really just wanted to sleep. But two dumb nuisances and one idiotic sword thief did their best to make that impossible. [ one-shot. possible zolu? mostly friendship/humor ]


A one-shot I made one night on a complete whim. Sleep-deprived as I am right now, I decided it'd be a good idea to edit the whole thing over and post it! Haha, how smart of me. So crappy as it is, here's my second fanfic ever: Morons. From Zoro's POV with a very small amount of (99% platonic) ZoLu.

* * *

><p>"Oooooooh! Sugoi."<p>

_Nn…._

"PFFFFHAHAHAHA! That was perfect! Do it again!"

_N..Nanda… .._

"Shishishishi, ok ok!"

_Noisy… .._

"Yayy! LU-U-FFY! LU-U-FFY!"

_Ugggh.. shut up.._

I gained consciousness long enough to take stock of the situation.

It was the usual playful banter that Chopper, Usopp, and Luffy would typically participate in. When it wasn't storming, and when there wasn't a lot of work to do, these three tended to get _really _loud. And on a beautiful, peaceful day like today, they had chosen my favorite sleeping spot to start another ruckus. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I stifled a huge yawn, and tried to fall back asleep. The sun was warm on my skin, and the breeze was gentle and inviting, so it wasn't all that hard. For a few blissful moments, I actually managed to slip into a light dream.. and successfully tune them out.. But then, they started to get noisier.

"IMPRESSION TIME!" Luffy's long, gleeful shout completely shattered my dreams.

I listened as Luffy rustled through something that sounded like a leather bag, Chopper and Usopp muttering impatiently in the background. His incredibly small audience began clapping and chanting excitedly as they waited, pounding their fists into the deck and insisting that Luffy hurry up. The reverberations this caused hit me in the back of the head repeatedly, and I ground my teeth together in an attempt to restrain myself.

_They'll be gone soon. _I lied to myself.

There was a small rustling and a heavy clank as Luffy finished preparing. I was almost glad. His boisterous sidekicks stopped shouting for about a half a second to watch him perform.

"ALRIGHT MEN!" Luffy announced, voice booming. "Gather 'round now, gather 'round for… … ZORO IMPRESSION: PART 1!"

I grimaced internally. Usopp and Chopper contributed light 'oohs' and 'aahs'.

I sighed. They did this kinda stuff all the time, so I wasn't really surprised that I had become their next object of mockery. But the fact that they had moved **here** to pull this crap bothered me. I _**really**_ wanted to sleep, and their presence here was making that impossible. But I still wasn't desperate enough to get up and chase them off, so I told myself to grin and bear it, and tried to fall asleep again..

I sunk a little lower against the railing, hoping by some miracle I could lose consciousness again. My mind went blank, and I their idiotic voices got a little more distant.. But before I could relax any further, a blood-chilling _**shiiiiiiiink**_ of metal jolted me into awareness, and crushing any chances I had at sleep_**.**_

My eyes shot open. I knew that sound too well.

Luffy continued with his act, oblivious to any reaction I might've made. He was standing over his little crowd-of-two, boasting victoriously with an unsheathed-sword in his hand. MY sword.

He started his performance.

"If I'm going to be a statue anyway….. then I want to be in a cool pose!" he declared, copying something I had said a loooooong time ago on Little Garden in a _**horrendous**_ impression of my voice. He took a moment to dramatically raise my katana high above his head, mimicking my form as a candle wax statue. The blade glimmered wickedly in the sunset. My stomach did summersaults.

"KYAHAHAHAHAHAHA" His audience roared with laughter, rolling around on the wooden deck like they had just experienced comedy gold. "That's perfect! Just perfect!" Usopp coughed between bubbles of laughter, banging his fists on the ground hysterically.

I was seething. I didn't know how he found out about that line (probably nami), but I was too pre-occupied with my boiling anger to think about it. The glittering metal blade in his right hand was MY shisui. He was using my freaking sword as a **prop**, that idiot!

I was suddenly VERY awake, and VERY pissed. I must've made some sort of sound because all three sets of eyes fell on me as I rose to my feet and unsheathed the Wado Ichimonji. Its polished metal glistened wickedly in the afternoon light. All laughter stopped, and a terrible chill settled in the air. Usopp and Chopper eyed my blade in silent horror, sweat pouring down their faces like sheets of rain. Luffy's wax statue impersonation suddenly improved about a hundred fold, with his complexion probably paler than an actual candle.

I came up to the group and shoved my blade between the three of them menacingly. Usopp and Chopper embraced each other, shaking like maracas. "I'm gonna slice you brats…" I threatened, cold as ice.

Luffy's audience of two fled for the hills (or well, the kitchen..), arms flailing wildly behind them and howling like they saw a ghost. They literally left after-images.

Luffy himself was a tad bit slower, but every bit as panicked. "SANJIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" he cried. "HELP! THERE'S A DEMON!" He flew in the same direction as his friends, attempting to follow them, but I was quicker. I grabbed him by the shoulder, and watched as the rest of his body stretched another ten feet before bouncing back.

"OI." I warned him, voice ringing with murderous intent.

"GOMENASAI GOMENASAI GOMENASAI GOMENASAI"

He was struggling wildly, sword still in hand. He had no idea how to hold the freaking thing. "Oii- Choto— LUFFY" I dodged as the sword nearly took out my other eye. He was going to seriously hurt someone, flailing like that. I let go of him before he chopped half my limbs off.

The sudden release surprised him. "Ah." he said, turning to greet me with a startled look. "You're not going to kill me?"

"What the heck would that achieve?"

He settled down then, staring at me wordlessly, and I used the chance to make a grab for my sword. I swiped it quickly out of his hands, relieved to feel it's weight again. From the corner of my eye, I saw Usopp and Chopper peer over the steps curiously, amazed that their leader had not yet been slaughtered. They watched our exchange in nervous silence. I sighed, and sheathed my sword.

"You'd probably kill _yourself _holding my sword like that." I muttered, still fuming. My anger was more than just a safety concern, and I wanted to make sure he understood that.

He frowned, like my comment didn't make sense to him.

"So you don't mind the impressions?" he asked, genuinely confused.

I popped a vein. He knew I could hear him, that brat.I somehow managed to restrain myself though, and crossed my arms, trying not to look as embarrassed as I felt. "So long as you don't disturb my sleep with it, moron."

"Ah. Sorry." He said it really quickly. He definitely wasn't sorry, but he looked a tad more sincere, like he was starting to catch on to the fact that he had done something wrong. "We'll be quieter next time."

I frowned at him, irritated. "Well.. whatever." Now that I had my swords back, I really just wanted to sleep. I gave him another threatening stare. "Just make sure to never, EVER use any of my swords like that again." I said, glowering. "You should know not to hold them like they're a toy."

As I said it, I saw the realization hit his usually-blank face. He pushed his hat over his eyes briskly, keeping silent for a few seconds as he thought about what I had said. If Luffy had held the Shisui rushing into battle, I wouldn't have cared. Heck, I'd probably let him hold all three of his swords if Luffy really wanted to fight with them. But instead, Luffy used the sword as a toy of all things, and I really was not okay with that.

When he looked back up at me, he wore a thin smile. I'd been with Luffy for a while, but I had never seen his smile look so fake. "I won't touch them again. I promise." He said, his tone much more sincere than before.

I sighed, and and sat back against the railing, relieved and utterly drowsy. Luffy was an idiot, but he was true to his word. He wouldn't abuse my swords again.

Usopp and Chopper started calling for Luffy nervously, wondering how he was still alive.

Luffy revived his classic, ear-to-ear grin, and ran over to them hastily.

"You're aliveeeee !" Chopper sobbed dramatically.

"What happened?" Usopp stammered, biting his finger nails and eying me.

Luffy pushed them towards the kitchen. "Shishishi! It's Mr. Wax-Figure's nap time." he said, as they went through the door. Their voices steadily got quieter, and I was finally greeted some peace and quiet.

Trying not to think about the lame nickname Luffy had just given me, I closed my eyes, and fell asleep smiling.

Morons.


End file.
